


Don't Worry! It was a Light Drugging

by Death_Herself



Series: SpideyPool Quickies [5]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Correcting Coworkers with Creative Reinforcement, Deadpool is a Bandaid, Gift Fic, Horrible Coworkers, Light Drugging, M/M, Mild Deadpool Language, Sassy Peter, Workplace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:57:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9190484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Death_Herself/pseuds/Death_Herself
Summary: This is a gift fic for my best buddy.--Spider-Man may have the Green Goblin as his one true nemesis, but this chick, she was Peter’s one true nemesis.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ImSoVain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImSoVain/gifts).



> I luh you boo!! <3  
> Deadpool got ya, no worries!

The foul stench wafted to Peter’s cubical exactly four seconds into the microwave start button being pressed. His back straightened in both anger and disgust as he very slowly turned his gaze towards the communal kitchen. Within the glass wall room stood the five foot tall Spawn of Satan with her back to the entire office. She was on her phone, as usual, Peter could hear the clicking noises of both her talon fingernails and the phone keyboard sounds turned on. Spider-Man may have the Green Goblin as his one true nemesis, but this chick, she was Peter’s one true nemesis. As the smell of fish grew stronger from the shared microwave he wondered what freak planet she hailed from. Because no one, literally no one, microwaved fish AT WORK. If that wasn’t bad enough, he knew she was going to try and offer everyone else some of it. Peter was more than sure she was trying to poison them all, and he was not too fond of dying at the hands of any nemesis.

He had to stop himself from glaring at her any longer, slightly worried she would burst into flames from his anger and wishful thinking. He closed his eyes and inhaled the putrid fish stench to calm himself. Ignoring the taste of bile surfacing, he swallowed thickly and leaned over his desk to check his emails. Upon opening his eyes he noticed he had an unread email with a particularly upsetting header.

> ** From: JJJ **  
>  ** Schedule Update **

Immediately Peter Benjamin Parker tensed as he mumbled under his breath, “I swear… If she has requested a schedule change again I’m going to-“  
A quick skim of the email was all it took. He crushed the papers he was holding into a very unreadable mess that would result in needing to reprint them. He jerked his head to the kitchen, making his hair fall in his face as he did so which only made him even more flustered. In the kitchen the little woman was beginning to eat her microwaved pile of shit fish. Peter thought about running in there and slamming the plate of food in her face.

  
Instead, he pulled out his phone and began texting his boyfriend who he hoped was still at home.

> **To Wade <3:**  
>  SHE DID IT AGAIN!! I have to work this Friday!
> 
> **From Wade <3:**  
>  WTF! K Look. Just do what I said. Bend her over the damn desk! It’s not even worthy of a free pass! Just calm her down with real dick! It’ll make her stop!
> 
> **To Wade <3:**  
>  Ewwwwwww. Never! I can’t do that, babe lol Just…. Uhhhhhhhhg!!
> 
> **From Wade <3:**  
>  At least she didn’t cook anything stupid again.
> 
> **To Wade <3:**  
>  Worse this time. FISH!!!
> 
> **From Wade <3:**  
>  WHATTHELITERALFUCK?!?!?! ……….I love you baby boy. I’m sorry she’s being a cunt again.
> 
> **To Wade <3:**  
>  I love you too.

Peter put his phone away, feeling a lot better already. Wade always managed to make the situation not seem so bad. He gave one last look to the crazy little woman in the kitchen. She was walking away from the dirty plate that she just left sitting on the table with the bones of the **_fucking fish still on it and everything?! No… It’s okay, Parker… You got this._**   

Despite knowing his plans for Friday were now ruined by having to cover a shift for someone he absolutely hated, he tried to get through today’s work load as efficiently as possible. But two hours later the devil herself stood in front of his desk with a large dopey smile on her face and water bottle in hand.

“Your… boyfriend…. is soooooooo nice.” She managed to slur out in a weird tone Peter had not heard her use before. His eyes widened in alarm. 

“Excuse me?” He stood up slowly and peeked around the office to see if he could catch a glimpse of red spandex or a Spider-Man hoodie. When he saw neither, he looked into the dark eyes of his nemesis. “My boyfriend?”

“Yes! Yes…Mhm. He’s s’nice. Even with all the…leather.” Peter watched as the woman looked like she was about to fall over. He almost, ALMOST, didn’t run around to catch her. She just laughed and held onto him. He had to turn his head away to avoid the terrible fish breath as she started mumbling again.

“I hate myyyyy boyfrin’….and my children. Nnnno…no….just…unhappy.” She leaned her head back and gave off an exasperated sigh before trying to jump up out of his arms. “I know!”

Peter watched in horror as she stumbled down the hall of offices and into Jameson’s office. She had officially lost her mind or was drunk, or maybe it was drugs all this time, or maybe her home planet was calling her back. He wasn’t sure what exactly was going on, but he looked around again for any sign of his boyfriend. It wasn’t until he turned to sit back in his chair that he noticed the red leather covered mass of muscle reclining in his office chair.

“Why… Imagine running into you here, boo.” The smile was evident under the mask, and all Peter could do was laugh at the ridiculousness of the entire situation.

“Why was my nemesis claiming you’re nice?” He crossed his arms and stared at the white eye slots.

“Because I am!” Deadpool held out his arms in an attempt to appear inviting. “And… because I gave her some Xanax. Let me tell ya, mama loves candy.” His smile only grew when Peter’s jaw dropped.

“W-Wade!” He hissed quietly, before running to the other side of the desk to stand beside him. “You can’t just-“

“Lightly drug your coworkers? Steal Xanax from a teenager on the way here? Break into Jameson’s office and teabag his coffee?” Peter quickly covered the spot on his mask where his mouth was.

“Oh, my god. Tell me you didn’t do any of those!” Peter swore he could see the cheeky little shit in his grasp wink even with the mask on.

“You’re going to get me fired!” He hissed again but it slowly faded into a small whimper as gloved fingers walked up his arm that was attached to the hand covering the masked mouth. Peter moved his hand away from the mask slowly.

“Nooooo. Don’t worry baby boy. I wouldn’t get ya fired. Jameson is too scared of me. Buuuuut, listen…ready? 3…..2……and-“

“I don’t care! I’m...done…Come pick me up asshole!” The slurred voice said very loudly into the phone as the little woman neared her desk right outside the communal kitchen. She set the phone down and began to cram very odd things into a box. Things like used tissues, old sticky notes, a stapler, her computer mouse, and the empty desktop calendar that she had to fold up to get to fit in the box. She turned to Peter and Wade and gave two thumbs up to Deadpool, who returned them. Peter looked down at his boyfriend and raised his eyebrows.

“Wh-What the hell did you do?!”

“Oh… Well… I just listened to her a bit, and told her how to fix her problems. Like never working here again. Also, told her microwaving fish will make her look like me. She may never eat fish again.”

The couple burst into laughter which gained them looks. Wade whispered, “Let’s get out of here.”

“I still have work….”

“Jameson is gobbling down the coffee I WAS NOT balls deep in. He won't mind. Especially if I give him a little call in the am.”

Peter looked around the office before gently sighing and grabbing Wade's gloved hand, “Fine”

 

*

Peter snuggled into the warm side of his boyfriend with a smile. His cheek was pressed the well sculpted muscles of his biceps while his fingers traced the ridges of scars and muscles on the hard abdomen. He heard Wade laugh gently and looked up to see him smiling. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, baby boy. I just like when you get all snuggly.”

“Oh?” Peter smiled even brighter.

“Well, yeah… You get all… blushy and cute. Like a cat!” 

“I’m not a cat!” The blush already present on the young hero’s face grew brighter as Wade began to chuckle louder. He leaned down to press a soft kiss to the messy umber locks before rubbing his nose against Peter’s.

“Right, right. I’m sorry. Cat or not, I love you. Like…a hella lot.”

The younger of the couple leaned up to press a small kiss to chapped lips before whispering, “I love you too.”

A long while of silence engulfed them before Peter spoke again, “Man… I really didn’t like her.”

“Just like no one like stable stool.”

He tilted his head before answering his boyfriend, “What??”

“No wait… I got a better one.” Wade cleared his throat, “Just like no one like mftoby!” 

The couple burst out into a long and raucous laughter over some strange fourth wall breaking moment that the author may or may not know about. But, they definitely spent the whole night cuddling like romantic saps, whispering their undying love for one another, and switching off between being the big spoon and little spoon like the fair and loving couple they are.


End file.
